Independent boarding school

This Sunday I arrived at the independent boarding school - you have no clue how tough it was to let your parents and girlfriend go, seriously. And just see them drive away, it really hurts.
So you just stand there. 'What to do now?'
And nothing has changed, really. I still don't know what to do. I don't even know if I want to stay. My roomie is ruining everything for me. She's such a cold-hearted bitch and I wish she would just fuck off. I'm trying to get them to change my room but.. They just won't. They say it's too early, but this shit is seriously bringing me down. I want to be happy here and get an amazing year.
But living with her just fucks it all totally up.

And suddenly everything falls apart once again

The call

Yes. You didn't text me back but instead you called me two days after. I guess you were just settling. You called when I was playing Slender and I jumped several inches with shock.
But yeah. You said you were happy with my apology and you thought we should be friends again. You don't know how happy you made me. How weightless I feel today, like I can almost fly.

Independent boarding school

Oh it's coming closer. Next Sunday. Omfg. I'm scared to death just by thinking about it. But there's still a lot of stuff to buy. A lot of necessary stuff but I hope I can get some new clothes too.

I'm going there next Sunday with my family and girlfriend which is good. I think it's gonna be nice to have them there the first hours. But after that, when they leave, what am I supposed to do? All those new people. I think I might run screaming away from the boys and hide awkwardly from the girls. Oh shit. I'm fucking lost man. But I really want this, you know? It's an awesome opportunity to get away from home and to start anew, right?
But before that, next Saturday, there's Copenhagen Gay Pride. I'm really looking forward to it. My first Gay Pride. It's gonna be awesome with all those people who are just like me. Of course it's not only gay people, but still. Meeting up with some friends and just chill. Maybe make some new friends?
But Mira's ex-girlfriends are probably gonna be there... Which sucks, but I'll just ignore them, right? What else should I do? I refuse to talk to them. Seriously. I don't wanna talk to anyone who has fucked her. Ew. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke. Not that it's gross to have sex with her, but it's just so wrong when it wasn't me, you know?
Twisted stupid fuck.

With all my heart; Thanks.

Honestly. I don't know what to write about. I've wrote about everything that mattered to me. My friends. My family. My love-life. My life generally speaking. About my bad times and good times, concerns and thoughts, as twisted as they might be. I've been up, I've been down - especially down. I've been so depressed so maybe it's time for me to thank those who helped me through everything? They are after all the reason why I'm still here and I'm grateful.

Gitte: Thank you for always being there when I needed you. We've known each other for so many years but even though we've had our arguments and fights, we stuck together. That's real friendship. Right? Now we walk different paths and it seems like we're losing what we used to have, but... I treasure the moments we spend together and I'm thankful for the support you gave, and always will give when I'm in need.

Pari: Oh darling, what we haven't tried and what we haven't laughed of. No matter what I know you will always bring a smile to my face. With you I don't sense my personal troubles - With you everything just gets so much easier and less painful. I know I can always count on you. We've had so much fun and those a moments I will keep in my heart forever.

Wolter: Well.. We don't talk that much anymore, but we used to. And I really care. You know I'm here and you can always count on me to listen to your problems. That's what I'm here for. But what really matters is; I know you would do the same for me. You are a busy guy and you don't have that much time, but.. I really like you and though we've only met once, I know you are a friend I can rely on.

Amy: Yes. My ex-girlfriend. My only love for one year and a half. You were everything to me once. Once upon a time, you gave me strength. You were my first girlfriend - no, my first relationship - and you have a huge impact on my life. But after all, you were also the one who broke my heart. That truly was the thing who taught me the most. That the future you imagined might not be the one you get. Maybe it's better, maybe it's worse, but in the end, it's your choice, you hold the cards. You are still my friend, a very dear friend and I will never forget what you gave. You gave me the best and most fucked up time of my life.

Camilla: This is tough, ugh, cause we don't speak anymore. We're not even friends. We had a fight and now everything between us is broken. It truly sucks and I would give anything to be your friend again. I don't even know what happened, but.... We were friends for three years. You were the first person I started talking to on the new school and since then, we always hang out. You, Maj and Me. Shit.... Just thinking about it, makes me so miserable. What we had was so special, so rare. You were the only person I thought I wouldn't lose. But I did. I really did. I love you and I miss us. 

Izzy: I know. I know. We don't talk together anymore. I broke it off. You became this fucking emotionless person and the opposite of who you used to be. But. You saved my life. So many times. With your "Good morning sunshine" - messages and "Sleep well, beautiful". I miss you. There isn't a day where I don't think about you. But you turned into a real bitch and know I don't even recognize you. But except from that; You really did make me smile. Every day. So thanks.

Mira: Of course you, Mira. You are my angel, my love, my heaven and the best damn thing. You have made me cry, laugh and dance around with happiness. You are the good to my bad and the sun on the cold nights. If I hadn't met you, God knows where I would be. So... Thank you. You really mess me up and sometimes I feel like just kicking you out of my life but deep inside I know, that wouldn't last. I always take you back because... You are my one. I just know. Just imagining a life without you, hurts my hears and makes my insides twirl around like I'm going to puke. So please. Stay. For me?

There might be more people, like my mom and sister, but... Yeah, those I thing I'd rather keep to myself. And there's this one guy... This one guy who I really loved, but swore I would never write about again. And I intend to keep that promise.

Again and again

Why does this keep repeating? This never-fucking-ending circle of tears and sadness?
When you hold my hand, I feel sparks in my whole body. Like you're electric - in a good way.
When you kiss me, I feel so completely complete - Like I've never been broken before.
But when you lie, I get so scared. It's like my heart bursts and my brain stops working - Like I just have to escape.

We've been here before but now we're here again. You sit there, crying, I stand up, looking awkwardly at you, refusing to hold you when you cry. I know why you cry - You can't handle it when you break me over and over again. I know you love me, but...
I'm broken again. You did it again. You screwed me over like so many times before. And I'm at the point where I can't cry. I won't. I won't let you see me weak. I have to be strong with or without you. What's the difference anyway? Being miserable with you or miserable without you? ... No, there's this huge difference. Being miserable with you has always been the only thing I wanted.
You know who I am and I know who you are. You have to live with me being permanently broken. I've been hurt way too many times to be whole - but with you, you give me the illusion of being complete. With you I experience what it's like to be happy, if only for a few minutes. And that's why I can't let you go - you give me a little piece of heaven.

I can be pensive,

You can be so sure. You'll be the poison, You'll be the cure I'm alone on the journey, I'm alive none the less, And when you do your very worst, Mmmmm it feels the best.
And you'll fall down a hole. That's the one place we both know. You take me with you if you could,  but I wouldn't go. I guess sometimes we both loose our minds, and find a better road.