Dance in the dark

Walking, wandering,
Running, hiding,
But I just can't seem to find the way out of this.
Out of the pain, the tears,
The helplessness, the regret,
And I would do anything if I just could forget
The past, the future,
The misery and the failure.
I want you in my life. Want your smile, your touch, your embrace, but it's so hard for me to look away from what you did. How you treated me, how you've had broken my heart several times before. Every night I watch you kiss her in my nightmares. I watch you write those things, and see how she smiles 'cause of your reply. It makes me sick. Lovesick. It makes my heart ache.

I honestly don't know if I can forgive you for what you did. How could you lie to me? How could you even think about it? You destroyed all that trust I had in you. I wouldn't doubt once if you told me something. But that's over now. What I used to think was a dream come true, is now a living nightmare, and I can't wake up. But.. I want it. I want to live in this nightmare if that means I can stay in your arms.

No matter how much you hurt me, or how you break my heart, it doesn't change my love for you.
And I hate it. I hate that I'm addicted to you. But I guess I just have to live with it. Hope for the best but fear the worst. I wish you could be mine. Forever, but.. I also wish for my pain to go away -You are the one hurting me.

If just I could turn back time, so I could prevent it from happening. But I know, it's not my fault.
I have to learn to live in the dark. How to smile in it, how to dance in it. Because pain will always exist in my life, nothing can change that. She will hurt me. She will betray me. So will my family. The only one I really can trust, is myself.

,, I want to live, not just survive"