She said that I should forget the past and move on. But there's so many questions, so many unsaid words, and I don't get it. How could she kiss her, when she f*cked me and told me she loved me? How could she say the same thing to her? Did I mean anything to her six months ago, or was I just another piece in her stupid game?
But the more she hurt me, the more I fall in love and I hold on even tighter. Why can't I just let go of her? She captured my heart the second I saw you, and now.. Now she has become my world. A world that messes me up and destroys everything I liked about myself. I liked how strongly I can love, but now it's just another one of my weaknesses. I used to like when I smiled, but now I know that the smiles I force on my lips, just are fake. Just as fake as me when I say that she makes me the happiest person in the world; My first lie to her. Because no, she don't make me happy. She should. She did. But not anymore.
Sometimes I wish that this love just would fade away.
But yet.. Then I would be lonely again.
I've become so fucked up.
Now I wonder if it would help to kiss another girl, so we would be equal. She kissed another girl and I'm allowed to do the same. Maybe that would ease my pain? Or would I just feel guilty and like a bad person? I'm not. I'm not a bad person, and I won't let her turn me into something I'm not. But.. I wish the misery would fade away and let me smile with all my heart.
Just for once..
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