Oh..

I want a relationship like those girls on Tumblr. One of those lesbian relationships where they take pictures of each other hugging, and kissing and stuff. I want that. 
I need that. I need a healthy relationship where I smile and have fun. Not crying and being depressed, and somehow I know it's my own fault for not forgetting the past. But how could I? How is that even impossible when you love a person so much, how would you forget her kissing with another girl? I wish it could stay in the past, but they still talk, they are still friends. And here I am, scared to death of the day when she tells me that she cheated on me - Oh no, wait, she wouldn't tell; one of our common friends would. 
She never takes initiative to anything. We just watch movies, play computer and boring stuff. It's always me asking 'Hey, wanna go to the movies?' and always me taking the first step in the night, when I want to .. You know. Never her. I feel so unwanted and so alone, it hurts, and it burns. 
I love her so much and I wish it could be me and her forever, but somehow, deep in my heart, I know that's now going to happen, because she won't change. She won't make it up to me for her mistakes.