Confessions.

I have a confession to make;
When I look at happy people, see their smiles and hear their laughter, I envy them. I wish I could rip out their happiness and place it into my own heart. I want to be like them; forget the sorrow life brings and just live my life. Take one step at a time but I know, I cannot follow those rules. I have to keep everything scheduled or else my head will be a complete mess. My old friend messed with my schedule every time we made plans, and that's why we cannot talk anymore. Because I freaked out. She did not understand, and ouch, how that hurt. Sitting there and knowing you can't do anything, I cannot change myself, though I would do it for her. My very best friend for over four years. All that, wasted and spilled. Broken and smashed to the ground.
Yes.. I do miss her. I always try to do my very best but after all, I always get abandoned.
But I refuse to give up. I know, there is somebody out there, waiting for me. Maybe they'll love me for who I am? Time will show, right? I know I'm not a bad person; I'd rather die than hurt anyone. That's why I deserve happiness.