I hate loving you

I hate this !
I hate you !
.. And I can't go on like this anymore. 

I'm screaming, crying, fighting, so I won't fall. I won't let myself break down, I won't let my mom have the pleasure to see me cry. Never. But she text me everyday, ask me how I am, what I'm doing and things like that. Small-talk. I have no idea why, but I can't help but hoping she's realizing what she has done. How she has broken her own child. But somehow, someway, I know that she doesn't give a shit. She never has, so why should she begin to care now?

The worst part is that my girlfriend doesn't understand. She's not supporting me, she's just making me crash harder when she begins to act negative and fight against me. I just need her to care. The only thing I want right now is for her to hold on to me. I'm pushing her away, yes, but that's why she should hold on to me. Hug me tighter, love me more. But that's just not happening. And that's just devastating.
It's ok that she don't understand, because she has never been through anything like this, but she could at least support me and be my rock. But she's just fading more and more away and now I doubt her love for me.

If she loved me, then why is she doing this?

Why is it so difficult for her to listen to me? 

Earlier today I told her that I cried. You know what she answered?
"Haha, calm down xD"
And I was, like, what the fuck? That's not something to say to someone who's crying. And I have to admit that I am starting to consider if I am better off without her. I love her, I love her so insanely much but this is driving me crazy. All those fights, all those tears. I want her in my life and I want to fight for her love, but.. I can't right now. I'm going through so much and she should be the one holding on and fighting for me.
The funny part is; the only one who cares is my ex-girlfriend.

I'm asking you two things; 
Fight and hold on.
If you don't, then you'll see me walk away very soon.
Because every day you break my heart.